Do ever moments in your journey of motherhood where you wonder if your kids will ever listen? Two of my children are in public school and two are at home with me (one toddler and one older homeschooler). And because they all share a room, they are all up at 0610 when the alarm goes off (or at least within twenty minutes of the first squawk). We were headed down a path I had gone down with my oldest in the past and I did not like it. It was a fight every morning to get him out the door when he attended public school and still actually teach him some sort of responsibility to pack his own things and get himself ready. The kicking, the screaming, the attitudes. We would not be doing this again. It took away from my sanity and our relationship and was far from the wonderful peaceful mornings we are “supposed to” provide our children so they can have their best foot forward.
I bought this child a chore chart similar to his brothers, although I couldn’t find the exact same one (which wasn’t a problem until he ran out of other excuses to not do what was expected of him). I tried to offer weekly rewards like his brothers receive for completely their charts. I tried offering daily treats for no “X’s” in case a week was too far of a span to work towards at this point. I did try yelling but he is very strong-headed and only yelled back, resulting in a spanking and two frustrated people. After nights of prayer and contemplation, a peace came over me that took my anxiety away and put it on His shoulders. Finally, I told this child when the timer went off I would carry him to the bus no matter what he had done or what he was wearing (he was in his underwear at the time). 0703…0704… frantically he ran to put on his clothes and accepted the help his brother so graciously offered to help make his bed. BAM! We were out the door. Were his teeth brushed? No. Did he make his own bed? Not quite. But he was now forced to take responsibility for his actions. He needed that affirmation that it is on him. Mommy will not be doing everything for him, nor is Mommy going to freak out when he intentionally chooses not to do what is expected of him.
I’ve been re-reading this book called For Parents Only by Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa Rice. It’s geared towards teenagers but so much can be applied to all these crazy attitudes that seem to fluctuate in this house. A lot of it can’t directly be applied to my kindergartner, but a big part of what the teens talk about it how much they not only want, but need a parent to keep their cool. Not only for the relationship, but for their security as well. I had to realize that if I was going to make empty threats or get angry myself, I would be setting us both on an emotional whirlwind leading to very little compliance, let alone any good. But if I can learn and continue to hold my tongue, hold the line without flipping over it, then amazing things can start to take place. An example of emotional control for my children is most crucial. How can they ever learn to control their emotions if I’m losing mine all the time?
Now my children with all their different personalities are continually throwing me for a loop. Just when I think I have this parenting thing figured out, another emotion or new reaction comes to surface. But so is life. I used to hate the saying “It’s not about the destination; it’s about the journey.” Thankfully I am now beginning to better appreciate the journey, once I realized every destination is just a new starting point. Wherever God leads us, I know that He is in control and when I allow Him to control me and my emotions, blessing take place.
